What Part of 20009 Don't You Understand?

I'm back and I'm cranky, so watch out!

So, as I have now gone on a datecation, I am having some more fun with my match.com profile.

I have no interest in meeting anyone and I have no one to impress, so I'm being brutally honest. . . . Well, ok, not brutally, but I am saying what I think and doing a type of market research on the Men of Match. (I was going to call them MOMs for short, but that seems weird).

Yesterday I changed my profile intro to: Ok, here's the deal. I probably won't like you or you won't like me, but I'm up for a drink.

In the text of my profile I have a list of things that I like/am attracted to.

Here is what it said before yesterday:

Here are the other things I like:
1. Glasses -- yummy!
2. Being smart/dorky smart
3. Music lovers/music nerds
4. Being taller than me
5. People who like dive bars
6. Someone who goes to movies to be entertained, not to seek the meaning of life
7. Someone who rejects cliches. Example: You will not have the words "laid back," "jeans or tuxedo," or "don't like writing about myself" in your profile.

Here is what I added as #1:
1. Live in DC. Or Arlington. Outside of that is a long distance relationship for me. Honestly, I'd prefer if you live somewhere in the 20036-20009-20008 zip code. 20010 is sometimes acceptable, but only if you don't have garden gnomes on your front porch. (Veiled reference to Ex, as this is his zip code)

As a result of these changes I had some increased traffic yesterday. I got a few winks. Given the changes to my profile, one would think, at least I did, that the people contacting me would fit the geographical boundaries I had requested.

OHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I got messages from men in:

Frederick, MD
Darnestown, MD
Brunswick, MD (I've never even heard of this place, and am suspect as to it's existence)
Herndon, VA (seriously, why would you choose to live in Herndon if you are single?)

And . . . wait for it . . .

CHICAGO, IL

Who knew? The men of match are geographically challenged.

So, then I changed my headline to Please Read Before Responding!

So far, no winks or emails.

I am going to screw with the Men of Match like nobody's business for the next two months or however long this subscription lasts. And it's going to be so much more fun than dating them!

Update: Received a wink from a man in Woodbridge, VA (!) who's profile reads:

I love to spend night with her and made Food for her and have great Dinner with her and watch movie with her and make her Laugh and just have great time together and keep her Happy all the times when she is with me.

(Is it inappropriate to post someone else's profile text in your blog?)